Beyond Authenticity and The Personal Brand: Rebuilding a Business on Integrity and Boundaries

Lessons from unmasking the pitfalls of being a "personal brand" and embracing a healthier approach to work and self.

Random pet peeve. (And yes. I used to do this).  Using colloquialisms in your marketing communications:

• “Hey, friend!”

• “Besties” - by definition, there is only ONE bestie.

And really, it goes deeper than this.

For the last few years, I've been doing some deep work around exploring what it means for me to own and run a healthy business in this world of toxic capitalism, both personally and within the systems we all live in. I have been looking at ruptures in my business relationships (because even though they are business relationships, they still hurt). 

I came of "age" in business when the "personal brand" was rising in popularity. When I left corporate work, having a personal brand and building my coaching practice on BEING ME worked for me. Reeling from the slaps to my wrist in that world, I was free to be me, sans pantyhose and professional boxes, combining that with my skills and passion for the work and soar!

23 years ago, barely 30 years old, I stepped into business after the most significant rejection of my life. I had to make not only my business work, but I unconsciously was desperate to define my significance and lovability.  I was winging it all - especially emotionally.  Most of my mentors were great at sales but shit at the inner personal and emotional healthy aspects of leadership and business management. 

It’s tough for me to admit and share that I unconsciously built a business with fuel from my wounds—a successful and, for many years, sustainable one, too.  

Here is a list of some of the big AH-HAs I’ve had over the last 2 years of deep healing and introspection. 

• Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria - the experts say that 100% of people with ADHD experience this.  Mine was buried deep, and I lived in the opposite manifestation of Recognition Responsive Euphoria. Insert WIDE EYES here! I unknowingly built my business on the fuel of RRE.
  

• My friend J Wynia helped me come to a definition of business outside of crappy capitalism that I can walk forward in.  “Commerce existed long before capitalism - and commerce is the buying and selling of goods and services without exploitation.”’  Instantly, I could see it.  This means: 

  • No exploitation of audience and customers.

  • No exploitation of staff or contractors. 

  • As little as possible exploitation of the earth and resources.

  • No exploitation of MYSELF! - as a recovering overfunctioner - this is where I was most off the mark.  

Other issues I’m exploring:

• Being a personal brand - sets one up for unhealthy enmeshment in business.  

• Results = Identity

• Failures = Identity

• Parasocial and unboundaried relationships with clients and audience - especially if you have an “approachable,” girl-next-door brand. Even being conscious and considerate of this, there have still been difficulties and wounds.   

• Selling proximity instead of results. I don’t want to sell air space with me. I want to teach, coach, guide, and help my clients achieve their internal and external goals in a healthy way.

A personal brand online can set us up for a sense of SELF that has been capitalized, exploited, and commercialized.  

I recently heard Seth Godin say, “Authenticity is for friends; consistency is for professionals.  When I am doing my work, I am consistent; I am not authentic. What you present to your audience is a choice.” 

OOOF.  That hit hard.  My authenticity has been a priority over my consistency as a professional.  AND - that’s a pretty binary view that Seth gives.  Just because he is an expert doesn't mean I have to take his word as law, but it did make me think and consider more clearly in my internal exploration of establishing inner clarity around my personal self and professional self.  I noticed that when my physical health and capacity became an issue, my authenticity didn’t suffer but my consistency in business did, and therefore my business suffered. I’m currently exploring what my standards and values are here without being either or.

Another aspect:  Coaching can be a deeply personal service. Due to the lack of regulations in the coaching profession, there is a deluge of dual relationships and wounds running around the industry. I’ve been on both ends of these wounds. The therapy field has much more regulation around dual relationships. After spending a few years in IFS trainings where there are mostly therapists - I could see more clearly some of the faults of both industries.  

I remember a moment in my early sales training: “Gather a list of all your friends, family, and people you know into your database. This is your sphere of influence and the bread and butter of all your business success.” From day one, sales taught me to use my relationships with friends and family more than it emphasized my actual skills (don’t worry—expertise and skills were intrinsically important to me all along).

I’ve since adjusted my contracts and discovery calls to ensure that my prospective clients know that while I am friendly and feel like the kind of person you want to live next door to, I am not your friend, mother, auntie, or sister - I am your professional with a unique and helpful-to-you set of skills. 

Cronyism: the appointment of friends and associates to positions of authority without proper regard to their qualifications.  Have I brought friends and peers along with me on the journey?  Yes, and their qualifications and match with my audience were of most importance to me.  A few years ago, a friend got upset with me, as she often did when I was in my most successful moments, “I don’t understand why you won’t let me be visible in your business,” she said.

UGH.  We aren’t friends anymore.

I never thought my friends owed me their stage or referrals.  Any spotlight I got was mine to earn, not to be handed because I was a bestie.  And I am stingy AF with my audience.

In addition to these wonky exploitation systems we’ve all been brought up and trained in, I see clearly how I am also the anti-hero in this. As Taylor Swift  “Hi, it's me, I’m the problem.”  I am learning and doing lots of internal and external remodeling with what is mine and what is not mine and the boundaries and standards in my personal and professional self. 

For now, these thoughts aren’t complete.  There is internal unburdening and healing and external strategy woven together over time. These are evolving as I take the next right-for-me steps forward.  Ignorance really was bliss, and I’m here to be a realist with hope. I do believe there is a healthy and prosperous way to be me and to be a small business owner who is clear, helpful, considerate, and capable of delivering a valuable service to her right-aligned clients. All within my capacity and without exploitation, not of you, and not of me.

I am still learning. What I know lies ahead is a small business with systems, standards, clarity, and creativity that is healthier for me and for my clients, with the ability to give great service and results in work/an industry I deeply care about and believe in while still creating income for my family and future.